English humour

It takes a little intelligence to have and enjoy sense of humour; you need to grasp and look ahead of the present situation, and then skillfully betray the expected outcome. I am especially fan of the sarcasm and the cynical sense of humour of the English people.

Many years ago when I was travelling round England, I visited the great hall of Christ Church College in Oxford. It was in the days when "Harry Potter" was not even born and had not invaded the old town. It was famous for the beautiful old college buildings and "Alice in Wonderland".

I think I was the only visitor in the hall (yes, Harry was not born yet), and the guide of the hall started a little chat with me explaining the details of the room - the windows, the paintings, the high table, the long table of the students, and in those days, the long bench type seats (this picture was taken in 2011). The guide seemed very gentle, nice old man, very proud of and faithful to his job.

The guide told me about a group of high school students from the U.S.A. who came to study and stay on campus one summer. His soft gentle face turned a little sour.

"Those American children, they are really loud and noisy, and when they come here for their meals, they can't make up their mind to eat or to talk. They shout over the table to their friends seats away and burst our laughing, and you know, because these benches don't have the backrests, when they laugh their heads off the whole lot on the same bench fall over. "

I imagined about 4 high school boys flipping off their bench and landing on the floor. It must be really painful on the head landing on the hard floor.

"And they make a great mess on the floor, those ruddy boys. It chips off the corners of the bench, makes scratches on the floor, food scattered and the plates broken."

The guide was not concerned if the boys were hurt or not, he was concerned about the damage caused to the great hall and its furnishings.

And after saying that, he chuckled.
He was very very faithful to his job.

konmaring Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up

Japanese people make a great fuss about the big cleaning up at the end of the year. Not just cleaning up but people would go through their wardrobes, cupboards and bookshelves and dump things that they would not use anymore.

For some people, carrying out the cleaning in efficient steps and making decision on what to dispose or keep are rather difficult, so in Japan, there are many how-to books on cleaning up and decluttering.

Marie Kondo wrote a how-to book on decluttering and organizing, and it has become a big hit not just in Japan but overseas too. The style of her cleaning is named "Konmari method". Konmari is her name Kondo Marie shortened.

There even is a verb generated from this "Konmari", "konmaring". On twitter, there is a hashtag "#konmaring", "#konmari", and some with pictures are showing how they are trying to organize things at home they have accumulated over many years. There even was a post talking of "konmaring" their life or their twitter account. So the verb does not just refer to cleaning up the house.

Hashtags clearly show how big a hit her method is.

How come her method became such a hit?
The secret is in the title and the magic spell which is constantly repeated in the book.

"The life-changing magic of tidying up. The Japanese art of decluttering and organizing"

It is not just your ordinary how-to book, the book tells you that tidying up is MAGIC! It is a book of magic. And it is a magic that can change your life! Cleaning the house is not a job that most people enjoy or do it for hobby, but if it is a magic that can change your life, now, that is exciting!

The title also tells you this method is a Japanese art. To a non-Japanese reader, it would give the impression of Zen or oriental philosophy. The cleaning is purification. The slight guilt that comes from being manipulated in commercialism and materialism can be written off with this magic method.

However, this Japanese art does not tell you to throw away everything and live in modesty. Repeatedly, the book chants the magic spell,

"Does it spark joy?"

The book tells you to keep the things that sparks joy to you, and throw away the things that does not. Presents from your ex-boyfriend, jumpers and scarfs that you got on Christmas or birthday that are not quite your taste, skirt that you want to wear when you succeed in working out at the gym...etc. They do not spark joy so you should throw them away. You only keep the things that make you happy. Cast off the shackles, freedom from material means freedom of your mind.

It does seem like magic.

Yes, her book is magic - contracting her name and making it the verb to refer to the method, the selection of the words in the title, casting magic spell repeatedly in the book.

Split Infinitives 03 George Bernard Shaw's opinion

Our formidable George Bernard Shaw, the writer who admired and respected Henry Sweet, showed a great disdain in the ungrammatical usage of the language. Here is a letter from Shaw to the Chronicle sarcastically, with contempt and hatred, claiming to replace the columnist of the paper. The main reason, because he uses split infinitive.

If you do not immediately suppress the person who takes it upon himself to lay down the law almost every day in your columns on the subject of literary composition, I will give up the Chronicle. The man is a pedant, an ignoramus, an idiot and a self-advertising duffer... Your fatuous specialist... is now beginning to rebuke 'second-rate' newspapers for using such phrases as 'to suddenly go' and 'to boldly go'. I ask you, Sir, to put this man out... without interfering with his perfect freedom of choice between 'to suddenly go', 'to go suddenly' and 'suddenly to go'... Set him adrift and try an intelligent Newfoundland dog in his place. (Letter to the Chronicle, 1892)

Split infinitive is solecism enough to utterly infuriate a writer and to bitterly destroy a man's career.

Split Infinitive 02 Fowler and Fowler's opinion

I had never really been aware that Split Infinitive was regarded as grammatically incorrect. If the verb is a 'to'-infinitive, adjectives and adjuncts are put after it, and to insert it between the particle and the verb is considered by some English speakers as incorrect.

eg.  Vauxhall are attempting to really break into the market.

I seldom split infinitives, but as a non-native English speaker, I find it sometimes difficult to correctly put the modifiers in the appropriate place to convey the accurate meaning. I guess I am one of the 'guileless casual splitters' who irritate the grammar Nazis.

I have at home the third edition of "The King's English" (1931) written by Fowler and Fowler. It is a book about the English grammar, the dos and don'ts, but the substantial part of the book talks about the don'ts, citing actual phrases from newspapers and presenting how appalling the grammar of the contemporary journalists are.

Well, I found a section 'Split Infinitive'.

This grammar topic was more serious than I had imagined. It seems that the old school authorities in the early 20th century condemned the Split Infinitive. Here's what Fowler and Fowler say about 'Split Infinitives'

The 'split' infinitives has taken such hold upon the conscience of journalists that, instead of warning the novice against the curious superstition that the splitting or not splitting makes the difference between a good and a bad writer. The split infinitive is an ugly thing, as will be seen from our examples below; but it is one among several hundred ugly things, and the novice should not allow it to occupy his mind exclusively.  (The King's English)

Split infinitive is 'ugly'.

Here are the examples that are given in the book.

The time has come to once again voice the general discontent.  (Times)
It should be authorized to immediately put in hand such work.  (Times)
We were not as yet strong enough in numbers to seriously influence the poll.  (Times)

Are they that ugly?
I feel they are acceptable in today's English.

to be continued

Lady Penelope and Parker

Another article about my childhood favourite, Thunderbirds.

In the TV series "Thunderbirds", there is a London agent called Lady Penelope. She is a duchess and lives in a manor located in London. There seems only a butler and a cook who serve her, so I believe the aristocrats in the future England live in quite an economized household.

Parker serves Lady Penelope. He is the butler, the chauffeur, plays almost every role of the servants, and also assists her in the rescue missions. He is quite a character, and as a butler for an aristocrat family, he has an extraordinary background.

Lady Penelope is a duchess so of course, she speaks in the Received Pronunciation, very posh indeed. However, her servant Parker' accent is quite a contrast.

Parker speaks Cockney, the accent which divides the middle class and the working class. His accent has a lot of the characteristics of Cockney -

glottal stops
lady -> la'y   and -> an'    waiting -> wai'in'
bit -> bi'  difficult -> difficul'
Parker -> Par'er, calling -> callin'

vowel shifts
same -> sime   lubricated -> lu'rikited
right -> roite, life -> loife,  away -> awhy, trade -> tride  waiting -> whitin'

dropping h-s
haven't -> 'aven' , hope -> 'ope
home -> 'ome    ahead -> a'ea'

Another features that I like about his accent is that he drops the aitches, and put them in places where it is not needed.

I -> hi   is -> his   alright -> halrigh'  other -> hotha   air conditioner -> hair con'shona
aristocrat -> haristocra'    all -> hall

My idea of a butler is like Mr. Stevens in "Remains of the Day" or Mr. Carson in "Downton Abbey". Mr. Stevens speaks in RP both upstairs and downstairs, and Mr. Carson in near RP upstairs and in Yorkshire downstairs. The butler is the head of the servant household so he must sound respectable. Never Cockney.

I think it is quite unusual for a butler to an aristocrat family speaking Cockney. In Parker's case, he was a professional burglar in his past, had spent some years in jail. After his release from jail, he was caught at the scene of the crime by Lady Penelope who had heard of Parker's status in the underworld, and promised him she would not turn him in if he agreed to work for her in her spy missions. Parker, the butler is one of a kind.

FAB

Another of my childhood favourites was "Thunderbirds". This is a future science-fiction TV series made in the UK performed in supermarionation puppets. A super millionaire American family, Jeff Tracy and his five sons, live on an island. The Tracys form a secret organization, International Rescue, and with their super hi-tech land, sea and space vehicles, Thunderbirds 1,2,3,4 and 5, they come into rescue emergencies anywhere on earth to save human lives.

I loved the puppets, the future settings and the vehicles, and also how they talked. It was a British TV programme, but the Tracys talked with American accent. Their accent had great contrast with the London agent Lady Penelope and her butler Parker, also the characters of the same TV series. Some of the phrases the Tracys used were unfamiliar to me, and I found them amusing.

When the Tracy brothers were in their rescue missions, they were on their vehicles so they had to communicate on radios. At the end of their conversation, they always said, "FAB", which seems to mean the same as 'Roger' or 'heard and understood'. (And 'Roger' is also a phrase I learned off a TV drama show.) I used "FAB" when I was playing with walkie-talkie with my friends and brothers. Cool.

Now, whatever does FAB mean?
There seems to be several explanations to the word, and not a definite answer.

Fully Advised, Briefed
Fully Acknowledged Broadcast
Fabulous

The first two makes acronyms FAB, and on some sites it is said that these acronyms were used by US army radio operators during WWII.
The third 'fabulous' was abbreviated to 'fab', and was quite popular in the 60's in the UK.

Considering that the Tracys were Americans (and the father Jeff was an ex-astronaut), and the brothers use it when they are radio communicating, the acronyms seem plausible for the meaning of FAB.

By the way, Lady Penelope's pink Rolls-Royce is FAB1, her yacht FAB2 and her race horse is FAB3. I prefer to think that these FABs owned by Lady Penelope are abbreviated "FABULOUS"es.

Language and Mind 06 - tattered and torn

When person speaks to you in a foreign language you do not understand, it just sounds jargon, strings of meaningless vocal sounds. You would not notice or mind if the person is saying something abusive or nasty. But funny, once you understand the language, the strings of sounds make sense to you, carry meaning that can move your mind and emotion. The same strings of sounds could be meaningless or meaningful to different persons.

This is a story about me when I was about 10, living in Australia. Three years had passed since my first encounter with English, and I was able to communicate without much problem at school. 

One day when I was at home, the phone rang so I picked it up. I said in a cheerful voice, 'Hello?'. On the other end of the line, there was a voice of a man, a deep coarse voice, breathing heavily, and slowly and dirtily saying,

"I am wearing lady's underwear, all tattered and torn..."

I yelped, hung up the phone! What was that?! 

I was only 10, and I had never had this kind call before. It was revolting, disgusting, I felt abused. All I could do was to cry and tell my parents what had happened. 

After three years of education in a local primary school in Australia, ironically and unfortunately, my English was good enough to understand what the pervert was saying. If my English had not been that good, I would not have understood what had been said and the words would have not disturbed me.

Many years had passed since the call, but I still remember precisely, word for word, what I heard. It isn't a good memory at all, but I now think that I was sort of attracted to the alliteration of 'tattered and torn', that woodnote tone of the 't' sounds.

This pervert phone call became a subject of a talk among the Japanese families and friends circle. Some of the mothers felt sorry for me. One Japanese lady who was not so good in English said to me,

"Maki, so unfortunate that you understood English. If I had picked up the phone, I wouldn't have had the faintest clue what he was saying, and would have said 'Pardon? Pardon?' over and over, and it would have gotten rid of him!"

Sometimes it is better not to understand so much.